; the pause before the crescendo

; you'll always be my thunder

Sleepyyy ):

Thursday, January 27, 2011 || 12:43 AM

Ergh, so not supposed to be here right now, but ohwell xD Doing my Commonwealth Essay now, ahaha procrastionation ftw(: English rep somemore, I'm such a bad example omg :O anyway, just wanted to drop by and sya that I'm so lucky to have incredible friends!

In RGS, I've met some of the most amazing people, and they've become my steadfast friends. Alagu is most definitely one of my best friends, she's been around for me through all my shitty mood swings, and stuck around, and I love her to bits for that! I've gotten a lot closer to Nicole too, although I haven spoken to her properly in very long despite the fact that she sits next to me. CAN YOU COME BACK TO MSN NICOLE >(

And my primary school friends are just awesomeawesomeawesome. I honestly think we're gonna be friends forever! We've been so close for so long, and I was really scared that we might drift off, hence my last post. But Benita and Yvonne messaged me, and made me a hell lot happier(: you guys are really sweet(: yes, we'll be at one another's weddings and be godmothers to our kids and be superduper close okay! And we should definitely have the road trip thing! I'm excited ready(:

Anyway, I love all of you to bit and pieces, idk what I'd do without you, honestly I don't <3

Okay, I gotta go finish up my essay nowww ):

Yesterday :O

Monday, January 24, 2011 || 12:28 AM

Okay fine, here to explain my last post. Well, yesterday was Sumitra's birthday!! Benita, Yvonne and Veckesh came over to my house to do up a card for her (Yes, I'm surprised my parents let also!!!) and it was FUN(: There were loads of retarded moments, and was epic! But we were like rushing and all, towards the end, which kinda made it more epic :D

Then we left for Sumitra's partay! When we reached only the other guys were there, so V went to join them, then me, B and Y were just hanging around.. Then after a while we all joined up again and waited for Sumitra at the entrance place to surprise her! Then basically we ate and cut cake and stuff.

Then I started to feel really emo. There were a whole hoard of reasons tbh. Firstly, I didn't want the night to end. Because I really didn't want to go back home and school and all the other shit in my life. I'm just so sick of all the drama, and I wanted to stay there and forget about everything for a longer time, but I knew I had to face the music sooner or later, so I felt miserable about that.

Secondly, I knew that I wouldn't be seeing my primary school friends again for quite some time. I mean, I've grown very attached to all of them, and I already miss them like asdfghjkl. I know I can always text them and stuff, but it just won't be the same as being there with them and being retarded you know? And its like saying bye to a whole lot of friends at the same time.

Thirdly, things are okay between us mostly only when we're facetoface together kind. I knew that things will just go back to the awkward, doyouexist thing once we leave which made me more miserable.

And last of all, going for Sumitra's 16th really made me realize how fast we're all growing. Call me cheesy and weird, but I was tearing up looking at all my friends, because it really hit me that soon enough, we'll all be going our separate ways, maybe even overseas. And I really don't know whether we'll still be around in one another's futures. I really want that, I do. But I just don't know if it'll happen you know? Cause we'll all be in different places, busy with our own lives, and I just hope you guys will be able to make time for me, because I will definitely want to make time for you guys.

And all this talk about being at each others' weddings and being godparents and going for road trips in Australia all sound perfect, they really do, but do they hold a place in our future?

I love all you guys to bits and pieces, I really do. I know it might not be so obvious, with my snarkiness and all, but you guys mean the world to me. If I've learnt one things from coming to RGS, its that its really rare to find true friends, without any ulterior motives, to be here for you. And you guys are that to me. Honestly. We're all like sisters, well not the guys obviously. But we've gotten so close throughout all these years, that I can't imagine my world without you, and I certainly don't want to.

I know I bother you guys a lot, especially Benita, and I'm sorry, I'll try and stop, its just that I'm too scared of losing you guys if I don't. Because being in a different school from all of you is tough sometimes, because I know you guys have a heckload of memories together, without me, and that's only natural, but I want to have more with you too you know?

Anyway, all this thinking made me really sad and teary eyed and emo towards the end of the night, and I started stoning and sulking, even through the game. And those of you who know me know that when I'm emo, I get really touchy and snarky and bitchy. Later, when we were all walking to the bustop, I kinda bitched out at the guys, although I knew that they didn't mean anything, and I feel terrible for that.

SO IF ANY OF YOU ARE READING THIS, I'M SORRY.

And like I sent a pretty dao text to you later that night, and I felt bad about that today also. I tried apologizing, I have no idea what you're thinking, but I hope you do know that I didn't mean it, and I don't want to break this fragile friendship kind of thing we have.

Sigh.

Why do all good days end badly?

Enough.

Saturday, January 22, 2011 || 10:56 PM

I've had enough.

One of these Days..

Saturday, January 15, 2011 || 8:47 PM

I hate being at home. Seriously. Its like being in a freaking jail cell. I mean, when was the last time I went out and came home too late? Or when was the last time I went out without telling you? That's right. Never. And I am somehow exiled from the outside world because I slipped in my EYAs once? Huh. That doesn't make sense to me. I mean, I get it, I won't go out all the time. I never did. All I asked was to go out, once, to my friend's 16 birthday. My 9-year friend btw. I've never missed her birthday since P3 and now I'm not allowed to go? Wtf.

One of these days, I won't come back home, and you'll all know why.

Lonely

Friday, January 14, 2011 || 10:05 PM

I feel so lonely. I don't really know why, but I just feel so empty. I mean seriously, I am OVER you, but I just miss looking at my phone and smiling like an idiot for no reason at all. Not YOUR smses, cause God knows I don't EVER want to get into that again, but still. Walou.

And I'm really so sick of everything. So soon. I mean, its only the end of the second week at school and I'm already feeling like this-.- Firstly, studieswise, I am working harder but I think its not enough. Especially not in Maths, need to buck up ): And as for CCA, well. Idk la. Its just irritating that sometimes people make me feel like I'm not committed, when I am. Ergh. Friendswise, okay la. Normal I guess. But idk, I think I'm distancing from some of my friends, and I'm not even really making an effort to rekindle it. Different schools and all, its tough. But I'm busy, and its just hard. Oh well, I'm sure we'll be fine again.

Everything just feels so different this year. Like everything. Feels like the start of Sec3 all over again. Coming home is just a pain nowadays. I get screamed at for stuff I didn't even do, something I reallyreally hate. I mean, obviously I care about what's going on, and I talk to him all the time, but there's only so much I can do, because I really can't relate. But I DO try to help, and after a point of time, its just up to the person to help himself. I don't think its asking for too much, seriously. If I can do it, there's no reason why he can't. And it just gets on my nerves when my parents preach at me like I don't care. Wtf. Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean the effort isn't there alright. And I'm not just some object you can take advantage of all the time. What is up with all the random screaming matches. I don't even do anything! I just get yelled at because something in YOUR life screws up, completely devoid of my fault? How does that even work!?

And sure, you do try to make it up and stuff. But it just gets old when the very next day you go back to your routine of blaming every freaking thing on me.

And you wonder why I don't confide in you -.-

This is really irritating.

WISHLIST

Sunday, January 09, 2011 || 8:42 PM

OMG I WANT ACCESSORIES FOR MY MACCCC. I WANT ): I am like totally itching for a supersuper pretty laptop sleeve, and this niceee keyboard protector that I saw!

If any nice person is willing to buy for me: http://www.iskin.com/protouch_macbook/gallery.html The purple one is niceeee! But haha, fat chance la.

Still haven't decided on a laptop sleeve though ): I want the neoprene kind. I have one, but its boring and black ): all the pretty ones are so ex omg.

And I still need an iPhone case la walou.

I need so many things argh. I'm just happy I at least got my earphones yay! :D Cannot wait for March, then I can expect from my family heh >)

I wish I had more money ):

ENLIGHTENMENT

Saturday, January 08, 2011 || 3:50 PM

I just watched 'He's Just Not That Into You' and I feel like enlightened! What I learnt from the movie? If he treats you like shit, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. If a guy reallyyy likes you, he WILL find a way to get you. So if he doesn't, forget it. He's not interested. So yes. Enlightenment.

Ohoh, and I might have actually gotten over you! Talked to you on New Year's Eve and New Year's. Told me you'll text, but you didn't. Surprisesurprise. But wait, here's the real kicker, I don't even CARE. I genuinely don't feel bad! I'm not freaking out or being neurotic because I'm not even checking my phone every ten minutes anymore. And its so shocking. In the best way possible! Yay(: Now, I can just wait calmly for Mr Right :D Maybe I'll find my own Justin Long hmm? :D

I knew I had a good feeling about 2011 :D

Career :O

Sunday, January 02, 2011 || 12:47 AM

Hey guys. I'm just mulling over what I want to do in the future, what I can major in, to begin with. And its all just a mess in my head right now. Cause I think its about time I have an idea of what I want to do, but its just difficult because all the career options that are floating around in my head aren't the typical doctor or engineer that will make my parents happy. As much as I want to go into those fields, I don't think I have the passion or dedication for them. Currently, what I'm considering..

Anthropology. It is superr cool to analyze human behaviour and why people act the way they do. Like sociology and anthropology have always held this appeal for me. This would be ideal for me, honestly, but I just don't know what career options I can have if I major in this. I mean, what is the scope right? I guess I can be a consultant at some marketing firm or something, but hmm.

Psychology. Once again, like the above. Finding out the way people work is just so insane. Like the whole thought process and the body language and everything. So fun! But seriously, being a counselor doesn't sound very attractive to me D:

Linguistics. Its also very cool to indepth study the structure and evolution of language. And this will probably require me to learn like a billion languages, fluently. Hmm, sounds like a lotttt of work :P

Marketing. Advertising is one of the funnest things ever. It is so interesting to go into the tiny nuances of the consumer's minds, and craft your marketing scheme appropriately.

I guess, after looking at everything, the underlying theme in everything is psychology and peopleness. I'm just scared that I'll be made to hobo around jobless ): but I guess there will always be campus interviews and in these kind of fields, if you're good at it, if you can say the right things, you'll make it. Right?

Ahh, I'm so worried now. The only consolation is that I can just tell Math to go and die, cause nowhere in those options to I mention anything vaguely to do with Math xD sigh. I'm just gonna go now. I just realized its not New Year anymore!

First post of 2011! Me worrying over my future, hmm. Hope its a good sign?