; you'll always be my thunder

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Hello everyone! Here I am, for the last post of the year! Obviously its gonna be a reflective post, so yeah..

Well, basically.. This year sucked. Like a lot. Like reallyreallyyy sucked. I mean, it was by FAR the worst year of my life. Why? Well, I'll tell you why.

Firstly, friendswise. Sure, I've gotten closer to Alagu, through all our long talks and I know I've made a lifelong friend. At the same time, I've found another amazing friend in Nicole. Seriously, I am so glad that I've gotten to know her better this year, she is great! And yeah, I've gotten close to Benita as well! And through this year, I've gotten 3 sisters. 3 people I know will help me and support me no matter what. And this is pretty much the only good thing that happened this year. Seriously.

On the topic of friends, this year I had to learn a very difficult lesson: That people are really not as they seem. I found out that there are a heckload of fake, two faced people, and you have to be on your guard all the time. There are few people whom I can trust right now, and I think thats a result of this year, because I've been screwed over so many times. The year started off with drama. The whole Rendezvous thing was just -.- seriously, pissed me off to no end. I mean I will never understand the motive under the whole thing. Well, basically the end result of this drama is that many people in my batch started turning on each other. Now there's like this 2 major cliques, although 1 is pretty small, and people who are just neutral. And right now, I think I'm neutral, leaning toward 1 clique. And its inevitable. I really wanted for our batch to get through school without splitting up or turning out like some of the other batches. And I guess we haven't gone that far just yet. Sure, we have our politics, but which batch doesn't right? I just hope that everyone tries to make it less of an issue. Seriously, next year is SYF and ICS Show, and we really need our batch to work together for everything to work out. We are the leading batch, and we are also the leaving batch. I want to leave RGS with fond, affectionate, lovely memories. Not memories of fights and backstabbing and whatnot. I'm willing to forgive and forget, but I'm not willing to make the same mistake of trusting too fast.

Hmm, academicwise. Also pretty screwed. My EYA results were complete rubbish. Seriously. And the worst part is that I know I can do better. I slacked off, didn't put enough effort and it really shows. I disappointed everyone, most of all myself, and I'm gonna set that right next year. I'm gonna work my ass off, and get the results I know I can get. Even if it means turning into a mugger.

And of course, youwise, terribleterribleterrible. Like I mentioned above, I made incredible friends, grew closer to the ones I already had, but I lost one of the most important people in my life this year. And it really hurt like arhgrejkbva. I was a complete screwup. I was totally lost, I kept thinking about this all the time and just crying so much. Lost focus in everything, and you were all I could think about. It may sound like exaggeration, but I talked to you so much, that everywhere I went seemed to have a lingering memory of you. And it hurt like anything. Coming home made me plunge into depression, I had absolutely no motivation to study, I discovered Tumblr and reblogged everything vaguely related to us. As a result I completely screwed up my EYAs. And everything was just so screwed. I guess its not as awkward as it used to be between us, and its a good thing. I'm still in the process of getting over you. I know it seems like an awful long time, but thats just the way I am. I'm a hoarder. I keep everything. Honestly. I hate having to let go of things, its against my natural character. And thats what makes it hard. But nothing's impossible. So I'm gonna get over you if it's the last thing I do. And thats my first New Year resolution. And its one that I fully intend to keep. And it being the start of a new year, I feel quite hopeful and positive right now. IT WILL HAPPEN.

Lastly, familywise. Also screwed. I've grown closer to my brother, that's for sure. But as for my parents.. I think I've disappointed them more than ever this year. I haven't been as good a daughter as I'd like to be this year. I didn't spend enough time with them, I let them down with my results, and I just plain disappointed them. That's gonna change next year. My next New Year resolution.

So basically, this year was a bitch. I cannot wait for 2011 to start, I'm gonna make it a hell lot better. I'm gonna be more optimistic, I'm gonna be happier, I'm gonna be nicer, I'm gonna be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better student. I'm just gonna be better.

A better person, for me.

Bring it on 2011, bring it on.

Hello(: well, here to blog about yesterday! it was seriously very surprisingly unawkward. I was bracing myself for the worst, maybe a little like the movie marathon which was terrible, but yesterday was almost like before all of it had happened. And I still haven't decided if its a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, there were jokes, laughing, conversations and !I didn't know what to think. I guess I know that I'll never be able to be bitchy to you, like at all. And yesterday was really fun, the scrabble sentences were epic :D I guess the only awkward moment was when I said that I'll upload the photos and tag you, before I remembered that.. yeah well. Idk if you noticed the slip but oh well. Seeing the reply to Benita pop up on my phone was.. Difficult. But I think that was the worst of it.

And when we got off at Clementi, I was hoping there wouldn't be any awkwardness, and there wasn't. We actually held up a conversation. And I took the bus anyway, cause it wasn't full like I thought xD so not bad la, I guess maybe we'll actually be able to be amiable acquaintances. I don't think I'll be able to be your close friend again, I mean I CAN, but I won't. Because I won't be able to withstand this all over again. So yeah. Overall it was a good day(:

And I went home listening to 'Haven't Met You Yet' by Michael Buble, on repeat, which made me smile and feel happy(:

I think I'm masochistic. Seriously. Ergh. I just did something I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE. Ergh. I feel so stupid. Sosososo stupid.  *bangbangbang*

Hey guys! Haven't blogged in really long, I know. I've been away on the INDIA TRIP 2010 which was insane! Seriously. My batch was superduper bonded throughout, and spending time with Aasiriyai and Saripa Uncle was reallyreally fun! They are so cute together(: HEH. Anyway, I can't wait to meet up with everyone again!! GONNA BE FUN(: I won't give a full account of my trip mostly cause I'm too lazy to do it, but you can always check out the photos!! :D Yay! I already miss India though ): All the late night madness was unforgettable! And Saripa Uncle's epic moments! Like 'Are you a school teacher or a jail warden?' HAHAH! And the most epic 'REMOTE ENGE?' HAHA (Y)

Anyway, other than that, I've been okay I guess! Not too bad! Sigh. Although, I read somewhere 'Don't give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about' And I can't go through a day without my mind drifting to you. Granted, I'm not as hung up on you as I used to be, but I still think of you a lot. And so may things remind me of you. For instance, I decided to see how much I remembered about you, and I disappointed myself. Not because I remembered so little, but because I remembered so much. I started writing them down on this whiteboard I have at home, and I filled up the whole board without even pausing to think. It's upsetting how much of you I've packed away into a crevice in my mind.

I remember all sorts of small memories I had with you, I remember all the places I've been, thinking of you. And in the end, the memories are what hurt the most.

But nonetheless, it's getting better, I'm healing. I'm just hoping it'll all be better with time, and I'll be able to give a smooth, undamaged heart to somebody else.