; you'll always be my thunder

May 2006 June 2006 August 2006 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011

You know that sensation you get sometimes, when it feels like someone's hand is squeezing the hell out of your heart? The feeling that you can't breathe anymore, the feeling when every inhalation hurts? Common sense tells me its grief, but it feels like it just doesn't encompass the true meaning of that sensation.

Grief. Sounds harsh and heavy in your mouth doesn't it. It feels like someone is forcibly making you drink water when you're having hiccups. This horrific feeling has been plaguing me for the past couple of hours. I can't think straight, can't sit still in one place, can't find anything to distract myself with.

It's like everything reminds me of the same thing. Everything. It sucks when I frequent all my favourite haunts and find that in each of these places, I've thought of you. And the memories hurt more than anything. And I feel terrible all the time. I try to act like I'm fine, I try to act like its not affecting me, but it is. How could it not?

I feel so screwed up right now.