; you'll always be my thunder

May 2006 June 2006 August 2006 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011

It sucks when somehow, people you were super close to, just drift away. Just hearing your voice today made me want to cry, cause all the late night calls and all the sobbing on the phone conversations just came flooding back. The promises to stay in touch, the promise that you'd be always there for me. Just seems so long ago. And I feel hesitant to take you up on that offer now. Cause I always feel like I'm bothering people. I'm always the one who ends up calling. Always the one who takes the first step, and it just sucks to know that the person on the other end doesn't care as much as me.

And somehow, my texts always seem to be the ones who are not received.

Is it sad that I wish things could just go back to how it was before? Go back to one of the most carefree months in my life?

Its amazing how it just takes one text to turn your day right around. It just takes one text to show you how much someone cares for you. Just one text to make you believe you're not alone.

Thank you so much, for caring. Thank you so much for bothering. Thank you so much for sticking around.

Its incredible how a few minutes is all it took to sort myself out.

So, I've decided. I don't want to have to ignore you anymore. Cause now, I'm not angry anymore. I can see that it wasn't anyone's fault, it just wasn't meant to be. So I really hope we'll be able to be amiable acquaintances. We will never be as close as before, but I'd like to just think of you as someone with whom I've had great memories with. Just a friendly face. Maybe someday, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

I feel so much better now. Now I can go to bed with a clear mind and a light heart.

Okay, this is depressing ): The other day was.. bad. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love all my friends to bits and pieces. but it was just downright depressing to see and sense the awkwardness. It sucks so much that for two people who were so close to become so distanced in every sense. Just sitting there hurt more than many things I've gone through. I was so close to getting up and leaving in fear of crying in the middle. But I didn't cause I knew it was something I'd have to face eventually, but man was it hard. And I don't know what the hell I want. Well, okay fine, I know what I want, but I know that its a stupid thing to want. And I don't know what the hell to do about it.

And just hearing about some things just hurt so bloody much. I just don't understand why you would tell me these things, don't you know how fresh the wounds still are? And listening to all of it just sucked. Really sucked. But I just had to keep smiling, cause I had to be happy for you, its not your fault anyway.

I'm such a screwup. I'm so selfish and bitchy and stubborn and self-absorbed and horrible. I don't know when the hell I turned out like this. I tell myself that its the only way for me to survive, but its not. I hate who I've become, recently. I can't even tolerate some of the things that flit through my mind sometimes. I want to change, I do really. I wish I have something to change for.

Right now, I just feel empty, and lost. Sometimes I don't even know why I try so hard. And there's so much that I want and yearn for, but I don't know if its me being selfish again. I have so much: Loving parents, a brother who would take a bullet for me, friends who've had my back through it all.

But I'm still stuck thinking about another person I could have mentioned on that list. But that person's not on my list anymore, and I know I've just got to suck it up, and move on. But I can't.

How do people even put up with me.

I'm gonna be a better person. For me.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. OKAY, I REALLY SHOULDN'T BE BLOGGING RIGHT NOW BUT WHAT THE HECK. EXAMS END TOMORROWWWW. A COUPLE MORE HOURS, AND IM FREEFREEFREEEEEEE. OKAY, IM OFFICIALLY GOING NUTS NOW. HEHE.

OKAY JUST GONNA HAVE TO CHIONG MATH TONIGHT, FINISH OFF THE NIGHTMARE TOMORROW AND I CAN TUMBLE WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE. OMG, IM GOING CRAZY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. AHHHHHHH.

OKAY, IM GONNA HAVE TO SWITCH TO CRAMATH (CRAM MATH! AREN'T I FUNNNYYY?) MODE LIKE NOW. SIGH.

HALF A DAY MORE.

YOU. CAN. DO. THIS. ARATHI.

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approximately. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

The questions raised:

-In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

-Do we stop to appreciate it?

-Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made…

How many other things are we missing?

Okay, I have tons of plans for what I want to do after EOYs but the first on the list is definitely rereading the entire Harry Potter series. Definitely.

I just miss HP so bloody much.

I just feel sad for those who aren't into the whole HP thing. The insane warmth I feel when I'm doing something HP is indescribable. HP basically encompasses most of my childhood. I basically grew up with Harry, laughed alongside him, cried alongside him, lost alongside him.. Its incredible that 7 books have altered so many lives around the world.

But thats the thing, Harry Potter isn't just a series, its a PHENOMENON. It tells us everything we need to know about life: bravery, loyalty, integrity, friendship and maybe most important of all, LOVE.

With just 7 books, JKR has compressed a lifetime worth of lessons and experiences. I've made friends there, made enemies there, learnt to look beyond experiences there..

I mean, I know Harry like the back of my hand, know exactly what Hermione would say in a situation and I've learnt about the complexity of people.

Harry Potter is all about shades of grey. It tells us that not everything is black or white. If you look at all the characters, they've all blossomed so beautifully. And none of them are perfect. Harry is too hasty and short tempered, and doesn't like to open up to people. Hermione is too uptight. Ron is too easily taken away by his emotions, a little like Harry. Lupin let his friends speak up for him way too much. Dumbledore was too protective.

And not all the bad characters are necessarily completely evil. Two of my most favourite characters are Severus and Draco. Both of them are beautifully portrayed. Everyone hates Severus, because he's edgy and odd and just different. But he turns out to be the real hero, the dark knight, the obsidian blade.

'Those who have always been on the side of the Light are good. But those who have known the shadows, who have suffered, who have endured the contempt of others yet have continued to walk towards the light.. they are truly great. '

Who exemplifies this more than Severus? I absolutely love him, and I love JKR for making me understand that there is good in everyone, however masked, however hidden.

And as for Draco, I really love his character because it just has so much potential. I will never accept the fact that he is evil. Rubbish. He was just a young boy, who did what he could to save his family. He had been brought up his whole life with this belief system, he was completely sheltered from any sort of contact from halfbloods, muggleborns or muggles, how was he supposed to know that he was being fed a whole lot of shit? He did what he did, because he was standing by his family and friends, just the same as what Ron or Hermione were doing. How then do we have the right to judge him? Sure, he could have walked away like Severus, but he didn't have anyone like Lily to show him good from wrong. He didn't have anyone with a strong enough moral compass, at the same time someone who loved him enough to guide him. He was just a lost, confused boy, trying to do what he struggles to believe is right. And if he WAS evil, why did he hesitate when he raised his wand against Dumbledore? Why did he hesitate before identifying the trio in the manor?

anyway, I think I got a little carried away. I still have tons to say though. Oh well, I'm gonna go have fun reading harry potter character analyses, with the HP theme song on repeat in the background(: byebyeeee!