; you'll always be my thunder
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Confused
Friday, September 17, 2010 || 8:48 PM
I feel absolutely miserable. Honestly. I don't know what to think. I mean, I think you forget sometimes that I'm human too, not some robot voice without any feelings or anything. And what you're doing is really low. You can't just play with my feelings like this.
And the worst part is, I don't even know what's wrong. I honestly, swear-to-god don't know what I did. I have apologized everything I possibly can apologize for, and that doesn't seem to be the case. And you just don't tell me what the heck is wrong, so I can try to fix it. And I don't know, maybe you don't want me to fix it, but if you tell me that, straight-forwardly, I wouldn't. But I think for all these years, you owe me at least an explanation.
I just feel very hurt about the whole thing. And I know you know that, but what hurts the most is that you don't even seem to take it into consideration. And yeah sure, you can say that you have issues too. And I GET that. But how the heck am I supposed to know whats wrong with you if you're not even willing to tell me?
And what the hell is it with all the mixed signals? If you wanna be a jerk, at least be consistent about it, so that I don't have to go through all this emotional roller-coastering. If you're confused, and need time or space or whatever, just tell me, and I'll give you as long as you want. But that doesn't give you any right to be such a jerk to me. And no matter what you say, I know that the old you, the one I though I knew, wouldn't have done that. I was already upset goddammit. And seriously, please remove any allusions that that sms was purposely accidentally sent to you or whatever. I mean, it was meant for someone else. I'm not desperate to the level where I accidentally purposely send you messages. How pathetic do you think I am? And bytheway, there were things going on at home for me, and you successfully made it worse.
And I dunno if you're gonna take this whole thing personally, but I just needed to let it out. If you're even reading this that is. I don't deserve to be treated like this. Seriously. Especially when I don't even know what went wrong. And there's only so much I can take. I'm human too. And if you're thinking that I'll be here no matter what bullshit you put me through, you're mistaken. I mean, I do want to fix this, but I'm not willing to let go of my self-respect along the way.
And no matter what Disney says, there is a 'too late'. And after that, I'm just gonna stop caring. Its not something I want to do, but its something I will have to do if I wanna fix myself up.
Who ARE you?
