; you'll always be my thunder

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Ergh. I'm feeling upset again. For no reason D: I honestly don't know what the heck is going on with me. I feel like crying listening to 'The Only Exception' on repeat, although its like one of my favourite songs which I have heard several times over.

I hate this feeling. Cause I don't even know why I'm feeling awful. Actually okay, maybe I do. Doesn't it suck when your favourite songs make you want to cry when they're accompanied with a hoard of memories?

Ergh, whatever, I'm just gonna go cry myself to sleep right now. I'll post later..

HAHA GUESS WHO WROTE A HAIKU? IN LIT CLASS. not like it was assigned or anything, I was just stoning and wrote a haiku!! and be warned, its really cliche ><

That just simply take me away

And the feeling that I'm falling further in love

Makes me shiver but in a good way

All the times I have sat and stared

As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair

And she purses her lips, bats her eyes and she plays,

With me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

'Cause I love her with all that I am

And my voice shakes along with my hands

Cause she's all that I see and she's all that I need

And I'm out of my league once again

It's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me

As the world spins around her she laughs,

Rolls her eyes and I feel like I'm falling

But it's no surprise

'Cause I love her with all that I am

And my voice shakes along with my hands

'Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea

But I'd rather be here than on land

Yes she's all that I see and she's all that I need

And I'm out of my league once again.

Its her hair and her eyes today

That just simply take me away

And the feeling that im falling further in love makes me shiver, but in a good way

All the times I have sat and stared

As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair

As he purses her lips, bats her eyes

And she plays with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

'Cause I love her with all that I am

And my voice shakes along with my hands

'Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea

But I'd rather be here than on land

Yes she's all that I see and she's all that I need

And I'm out of my league once again

I WOULD MARRY MY BOYFRIEND IF HE EVER SINGS THIS TO ME.

SO SWEET OMG.

Honestly, I have more mood swings than a pregnant women sometimes. I was actually happy a couple of hours back, and now I just screamed at my brother like a banshee just cause he switched on my light.

What the heck is wrong with me.

And yeah well, parents won't be in town for the next couple of days ): lonely dinners again I suppose. oh well. I hope nothing goes wrong, will be praying for the best.

I feel so insanely screwed up right now.

What the hell happened to the happy Arathi?!

what the shit. honestly.

what. the. shit.

if this is a joke, its not funny. at all.

losers.

OOH, my last post was post #123! almost feel like not posting so I can keep the nice number(: but anywayyy.

YOU ASS. I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU'RE A JERK TO ME CAUSE I JUST CBB ABOUT YOU READY. but you better BACK OFF my friends.

I mean, seriously, the world doesn't revolve around you-.- i only kept trying to fix things cause deep down I still believed that you were the nice person I thought I knew. but I'm wrong. You've made it pretty clear that you're just a JERK. so yeah, I don't even want to talk to you anymore. and I hope you read this, so you stop thinking that I'm desperate to talk to you or whatever.

but just remember that if you hurt my friends, you're gonna have some answering to do.

jerk.

I feel absolutely miserable. Honestly. I don't know what to think. I mean, I think you forget sometimes that I'm human too, not some robot voice without any feelings or anything. And what you're doing is really low. You can't just play with my feelings like this.

And the worst part is, I don't even know what's wrong. I honestly, swear-to-god don't know what I did. I have apologized everything I possibly can apologize for, and that doesn't seem to be the case. And you just don't tell me what the heck is wrong, so I can try to fix it. And I don't know, maybe you don't want me to fix it, but if you tell me that, straight-forwardly, I wouldn't. But I think for all these years, you owe me at least an explanation.

I just feel very hurt about the whole thing. And I know you know that, but what hurts the most is that you don't even seem to take it into consideration. And yeah sure, you can say that you have issues too. And I GET that. But how the heck am I supposed to know whats wrong with you if you're not even willing to tell me?

And what the hell is it with all the mixed signals? If you wanna be a jerk, at least be consistent about it, so that I don't have to go through all this emotional roller-coastering. If you're confused, and need time or space or whatever, just tell me, and I'll give you as long as you want. But that doesn't give you any right to be such a jerk to me. And no matter what you say, I know that the old you, the one I though I knew, wouldn't have done that. I was already upset goddammit. And seriously, please remove any allusions that that sms was purposely accidentally sent to you or whatever. I mean, it was meant for someone else. I'm not  desperate to the level where I accidentally purposely send you messages. How pathetic do you think I am? And bytheway, there were things going on at home for me, and you successfully made it worse.

And I dunno if you're gonna take this whole thing personally, but I just needed to let it out. If you're even reading this that is. I don't deserve to be treated like this. Seriously. Especially when I don't even know what went wrong. And there's only so much I can take. I'm human too. And if you're thinking that I'll be here no matter what bullshit you put me through, you're mistaken. I mean, I do want to fix this, but I'm not willing to let go of my self-respect along the way.

And no matter what Disney says, there is a 'too late'. And after that, I'm just gonna stop caring. Its not something I want to do, but its something I will have to do if I wanna fix  myself up.

Who ARE you?

okay, im damn pissed right now. for those who don't know, i might be moving. and my parents are like considering thom-freaking-son. ad as in, it was cool at first and stuff, but i don't want to move dammit! i mean, tons of my friends are here in the west, and if i move somewhere else, its always gonna be 'why the hell are you going all the way to JURONG EAST? you're a girl! you can't go that far by yourself' and i'll just get annoyed. i mean wtf man. all this time I've been happy that most of my good friends live around me, so its easy to meet up and stuff. and if i move to thomson, or wherever they want to move, i'm gonna get damn pissed off.

i mean, they're not even considering what im saying. i mean, its all 'OMG its near botanical gardens!' or 'its near MACRITCHIE. can you believe it!?' and im like where the hell is near my FRIENDS. and they're just like 'you have to keep moving forward' like they're the freaking meet the robinsons or something. so bloody annoying omg.

and i love my house fyi. i don't want to move. i don't care if its crazily far from bishan, i don't bloody want to move.

and im so pissed off right now, that i could have sworn so many freaking (another moment there) times. honestly. what happened to 'we're never gonna move! don't you love our house? YAY' and now, just because its near botanical freaking gardens its okay to move?!

wtf.

thanks for ruining my buzz, oh-so-wonderful family of mine. -.-

HAHA, like my title says, I AM HAPPY. yay(: went back to my primary school and saw all my primary school friends! :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING DOWN GUYS! YOU REALLY MADE MY DAY(:

and I realized that I am very blur, and I don't get card tricks. D: sad life. but it was FUN to see G do until so fail. HAHA.

and I'm so happy you came(: at first it was awkward, but it got better as it went along, and I'm happy noww(:

this should totally become a weekly thing! :D FUNNN.

okay, I'm gonna go revel in my happiness now, will post sooooooon.

okay, this kinda sucks. i mean, things are just way off. and i dunno, maybe im expecting too much in a short span of time. its just that you sound so.. different. and im just unsure. I mean, i try to be positive and cheery and all smiley, but its hard to be enthu when the other person seems so uninterested. and i miss what we had and i seriously hope we get it back. im making an effort, but im only human. and i suppose, that goes for you too. so, i'll give you time to open up again. i'll try anyway.

this is depressing. D:

GAH -.-

oh good god. i think im going to faint.

I haven't updated in so long, ohno. but anyway, this holidays were a complete disgrace to the concept of holidays. Seriously. I was camping out at JE library and copying notes and sleeping most of the time. I slept like a PIG this hols. Seriously! I never ever knew I could sleep this much, I even think my eye bags have disappeared! Okay nope, I just checked, they're still very much there. D: dark circles are gone though! yay!

what else. hmm. OH YES. have I mentioned that I LOVE the private series by kate brian? if not, here it is: I LOVE THE PRIVATE SERIES BY KATE BRIAN. AHH. I have almost the whole series in pdf. >:) except scandal. I WANT! so curious to find out what happens ahhh.

and uhh. ohyes. despite all the times I have vehemently proclaimed that I hated rap, I honestly LOVE Eminem! AHH. his songs actually make sense, which is quite rare in rap, and his love for his daughter, Hailie, is so darn sweet I swear. I felt like my heart was cracking in two, listening to 'when I'm gone'. probably my favourite song by him! and its really cool, cause he makes TONS of references to his personal life, and I didn't really get them until I wiki-ed him. THEN, it all fell into place. :D really cool. :D

I'll leave you guys with a really cool quote:

'You really loved him, didn't you?

That was a psychological question. Although no names were mentioned, someone's name suddenly came into your mind.'

cool right! and sad. oh well.