; you'll always be my thunder
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update!
Saturday, July 10, 2010 || 11:32 PM
hey guys! guess who's updating again? thats right me. :D
hmm, this is gonna be a reflective post, i think.
well, right now, i miss so many people so much. i mean, if i haven't spoken to you properly in the last 3 days, i probably miss you. and its really sad, cause i know we're all busy, on both parts, and sometimes it's difficult to make time for one another, but it doesn't hurt any less when i i see that someone who used to be in he top 3 recent contacts on my phone aren't even in the top 15.
cause, yeah well, i hate change. despise it really.
and thats just part of who i am. i mean, im needy, whiny, touchy-feely, PMSy, overly sensitive and just mess really. and i know its tough to deal with me sometimes, i mean i'm shocked people still have any shred of patience with me, honestly. and it gladdens me to no end. cause like marilyn monroe said, 'If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.' which is so true. :D that lady is just flooding in quotable quotes i swear. you guys should totally check out quotes by her, they're meaningful, if a little slutty. xD
and i'm really thankful for my friends and all these wonderful people i've met in my life, and it more than makes up for all the hideous PTs in my life. :D
and i just feel like beating up a couple of people for hurting those i care about. i mean, you're all insane, and can't you see what it's doing to that person? and all i can say is that i'm here for you, always. and that may not seem like a lot, but it's the best i can offer, continual support.
and thats what i really yearn for, deep down. a really steady, solid constant in my life. like even when the world is flipping over and about, there is someone i can always trust to have my back. someone whom i can actually do a trust fall with. which is why one of my favourite song lines is:
gravity's pulling, you're still holding my heart.
which is what we all want right. in the midst of all the madness, all the confusion and all the irregularities, something we can be so steadfastly sure in, something we can say without a second of hesitation. and that for me is the most appealing part of an ideal relationship: complete and utter dependancy.
i mean, not like you wouldn't be able to live on your own, but rather not wanting to. like having a completely open, transparent relationship. the idea of coming home after a rough day to a genuine smile, a hug, and a muttered "it'll be okay, i promise' sounds perfect really.
call me a romantic, but thats what i really feel. and someday the person will swing around. no point in rushing anything.
i just feel so... like i really want a long hug from someone right now. sigh.
