; the pause before the crescendo

; you'll always be my thunder

Moving

Saturday, July 31, 2010 || 2:04 PM

ohman, you guys have no idea how tough this is for me to do. but i'm moving to tumblr.

*wince*

yeah, well. its a lot more user friendly!

okay, no that isn't the only reason. I'm moving there because of CLOSURE. I am moving ON. to a whole new chapter in my life.

So, I'm stopping here at 109 posts. i am now very sad and will proceed to curl up into a ball and be very sad.

anyway, my new link is: www.whiteseafoam.tumblr.com

so do visit, and follow! :D

MOVING ON

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 || 9:46 PM

well, this is probably the last post about this.

i have no idea why you're doing this. i dunno why you want to hurt me, but yeah, the truth is: you have. and you've done it numerous times too. and i dunno why i keep forgiving, all i need is for you to say sorry. but now, i don't think its enough now. because there's only so much sorry can do. and there's really no point in saying it if you don't mean it.

and the worst part is that, when i FINALLY move on, you just come on back to make me fall all over again. and i don't think i have the energy or the emotional capacity to take it anymore. so, if you do read this, please don't come back into my life, if you insist on leaving again, which im always sure you will.

and maybe if you have time, you can go listen to 'too much to ask' and 'tomorrow you didn't' by avril. might shine some light.

so, im so sick and tired of you. i swear. im sick of caring, im sick of not wanting to care, im sick of wishing you'd care. and im just so tired, and i feel like crying now. but whatever, i've wasted enough time on you. and if you ever look back on this, remember that its YOU who screwed this up. not me. i've tried to be the bigger person over and over again, but i like to be cared for once in a while too. but i guess, that tim hasn't come, and i'll continue hoping that it will.

and seriously. sec three is the time where people you didn't even know, become your closely-knit friends. and those whom you used to know really well, just drift away.

and i suppose you just have to accept that. some relationships are just not meant to be.

'good things fall apart, so better things can fall together'

i'm gonna try and believe in this with all that i have, so i can be optimistic about the whole thing.

and im just gonna go with the flow. things will fall into place, and i just have to wait patiently. but i do have the hope and the trust that things will get better, and thats all im holding on to.

alright, thats the last post about THAT, im sorry for repeatedly going on about the same thing. i shall stop and actually move on like i've been telling myself for the last couple of years.

okay, byebye, i'll be back with a hopefully happier post soon!

LETTING GO

Sunday, July 25, 2010 || 3:32 PM

i have decided to let go and move on. you're just not worth it anymore, and im sick of it all. im signing up to be hurt again and again. so screw it. screw you.

i deserve a lot more than you.

Saturday, July 24, 2010 || 10:26 PM

i feel so angry and annoyed and hurt and pissed and confused and muddled and tired and sian and ergh. i just don't want anything anymore. i want to just go into a longlong sleep. and hopefully wake up in a brighter world.

just clarifying: I'M NOT SUICIDAL. just sian. and annoyed and.. argh, just refer to above.

i honestly cannot wait for the world to end in 2012.

ergh

Wednesday, July 14, 2010 || 10:56 PM

okay, im in a horrible mood now. horrible. and frankly, i don't think you're worth all my energy anymore. you were worth a lot more than that to me, for a very long time. but now, i just don't know. and im not gonna try so hard anymore. if you care, you'll make the effort. and when i see it, i'll reconsider.

Pissed Off

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 || 8:32 PM

okay guys, pissed off post, if you don't want to hear me ranting, it might be apt to not read this post and just wait for the next hopefully happier one.

okay, well. i'm pissed. and i feel like i'm being suffocated. i mean, i like to have some alone time, to just stone, and reflect by myself, and i think people need to understand that. i mean, i agree that i used to get pissed off about that, now i'm starting to think about things from other perspectives as well. and like, i have things going on in my life, that i don't tell anyone, and sometimes i wish people can just accept that without asking and assuming. cause yeah. i have issues too.

and its just annoying when people start to get all like 'why are you daoing me? and i know you're lying when you say you're busy' cause im not. okay? i have stuff to do at home too. for those who don't know, we got rid of our maid and decided to sorta work things out between ourselves. and since both my parents work, and my brother is pretty much non-existent from my home life, a lot of the housework is on me. and i'm not complaining, cause i get why i have to do it, and i know my parents are already working hard and stuff. but i'm just saying this so that you can understand that i have stuff going on too.

and i am really thankful that you've been around for me, really i am. but i would understand if you're busy, or if you don't reply, and i just hope you'd do the same for me, cause really, its not intentional.

and i'm not posting this here to piss you off, if you do read it, i just need to rant, and i don't know who to rant to.

update!

Saturday, July 10, 2010 || 11:32 PM

hey guys! guess who's updating again? thats right me. :D

hmm, this is gonna be a reflective post, i think.

well, right now, i miss so many people so much. i mean, if i haven't spoken to you properly in the last 3 days, i probably miss you. and its really sad, cause i know we're all busy, on both parts, and sometimes it's difficult to make time for one another, but it doesn't hurt any less when i i see that someone who used to be in he top 3 recent contacts on my phone aren't even in the top 15.

cause, yeah well, i hate change. despise it really.

and thats just part of who i am. i mean, im needy, whiny, touchy-feely, PMSy, overly sensitive and just mess really. and i know its tough to deal with me sometimes, i mean i'm shocked people still have any shred of patience with me, honestly. and it gladdens me to no end. cause like marilyn monroe said, 'If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.' which is so true. :D that lady is just flooding in quotable quotes i swear. you guys should totally check out quotes by her, they're meaningful, if a little slutty. xD

and i'm really thankful for my friends and all these wonderful people i've met in my life, and it more than makes up for all the hideous PTs in my life. :D

and i just feel like beating up a couple of people for hurting those i care about. i mean, you're all insane, and can't you see what it's doing to that person? and all i can say is that i'm here for you, always. and that may not seem like a lot, but it's the best i can offer, continual support.

and thats what i really yearn for, deep down. a really steady, solid constant in my life. like even when the world is flipping over and about, there is someone i can always trust to have my back. someone whom i can actually do a trust fall with. which is why one of my favourite song lines is:

gravity's pulling, you're still holding my heart.

which is what we all want right. in the midst of all the madness, all the confusion and all the irregularities, something we can be so steadfastly sure in, something we can say without a second of hesitation. and that for me is the most appealing part of an ideal relationship: complete and utter dependancy.

i mean, not like you wouldn't be able to live on your own, but rather not wanting to. like having a completely open, transparent relationship. the idea of coming home after a rough day to a genuine smile, a hug, and a muttered "it'll be okay, i promise' sounds perfect really.

call me a romantic, but thats what i really feel. and someday the person will swing around. no point in rushing anything.

i just feel so... like i really want a long hug from someone right now. sigh.

Ergh.

Thursday, July 01, 2010 || 11:54 AM

Hey guys.

Yeah well, haven't posted in a while. Sigh. I'm drowning in work already. Although it's like the first day of school. -.- why?

Because i'm a horrible procrastinator during holidays. D: aah. I got absolutely no work done. At all. Ergh.

Have SS exam on wednesday, which I haven't studied for yet, and still have no idea WHAT to study. Gah. And haven't even started SS PT. Ergh.

But I've sort of decided what to do. But still have to work on it. And RS. And other exams to study for. Like math (ergh) and history (aah) and Tamil! Aaaah. Stress!! D:

Other than work, there's nothing else going on in my life. Oh well. Certain people are being nonexistent. -.-

Oh well, I'll post sometime later guys. After my exams perhaps. Aah.

hey guys, I wrot this like last weekend, but forgot to post, so yeah. Content might be a little outdated. My SS exam is actually over. xD

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Location:Heh. Don't tell you. :D